Angel in Disguise

      

  Please let me introduce him,

         He is Warren Alarcon Bernabe,my first boyfriend and my first love :)  his parents always tells him that he is the hope of his family so his father will not work as a seaman anymore. even though he is not the eldest because their eldest brother had a family already but still living with them. his parents always say that he is a thoughtful and very kind son. I can prove that because he is afraid to break his family's expectations. 

         He is a regular 3rd year student of civil engineering and know what? he is so responsible, matured, intelligent and dedicated to his studies. as other's say, he is "all in one", he is smart, talented, he is good in singing, dancing and he can play well every kind of sports. he is one in a million ;). being with him for almost four years is like winning in a lotto(I hope he feels the same way. hahaha :DD)

         He loves his family so much specially his mother. in fact, based  on my observation, he is the only son I've met that his parents didn't get angry with him because he always choose to do the right thing.

        He has a very broad mind and sometimes I hate it when we argue. hahahaa :)))

     

       I learned so much from him and I wont forget that till the last day of my life. for me and for his parents, he is an Angel in Disguise.

AGAIN

    

 After three months of being single (I really enjoyed those moments :D) Warren and I were together again. I met him last 2007 and we broke up before our 3rd anniversary. I realized that, I'd rather choose the one who really loves me and I'm pretty sure of it. than the one who never gave me the assurance. (hmmm. enough of it :))

I enjoyed more our relationship this time because now I can act freely, I can do what ever I want. he's not strict anymore. well that's the first thing I want to happen, and I told this to him before we decided to come back to each other's arm. because I realized that doing the things you usually do and doing it again and again, it only makes the two of you tired, less exciting and boring. we should experience new things, together. 

and this new things will make our relationship tighter. I don't want to be the kind of girl that tells everyone the every development of her love life. I only tell my story to my closest friends  but now, I'm happy and proud that I'm here, with him, AGAIN.

A Girl turns into Woman

                                  

            My life now in College has many changes because of my struggles in my college life but I can now see the true meaning of life/ the importance of it someone's career. you are th one who would make your life beautiful as you wanted it to be. not anyone else will make your life colorful, even God, he is there just to guide us, our source of strength to go on and work with our life. as the saying goes, "its not over until its over". even though you have many problems and obstacle in your life, you still have the chance to make things right, just choose to look on a brighter side, there's many things you should experience and these will make us smart and strong to face new challenges. don't blame God if your problems are already loaded. instead, thank him because he wants you to be strong. God will not give us challenges if he knows we can't solve it. "mas mabuti nang masira ang isang bagay para mabuo mo ito ng mas matibay".

            My life was changed not only to my studies but as a person as well. our family problem taught me that life is not always smooth sailing, you have to experience rough roads so you can face and and overcome big problems that life might be given to you. I am not a spoiled brat anymore. the very dependent girl to her parents is now a good and dependable sister to her brothers. the girl who can get whatever she wants, can now learn to wait for the right time.

            Now all I want is to help my family not just myself. all the good things about my future is what I'm aiming for now. my struggles and obstacles from my past will surely be my armor for tomorrow.

Dear Mom and Dad

Dear Mom and Dad,

I bet you think you know me pretty well. You know my favorite foods, colors, and hobbies. You know my moods, mannerisms, and weaknesses. You even know what makes me overflow with excitement and what makes me so angry I could explode. Only you have seen me at my best and my worst. but what you don't know is how much I love you, because I've never let you know. Why?, I'm not sure. Maybe I was too shy, or too worried you would shun my sappy emotions; maybe I was just scared. that's not important now. You-- Dad And Mom--are important now. and so I think the greatest gift I can give both of you at this point, a time when we have few years left together, is my love and sincerest thanks for all you've done for me because you care.
thank you for providing for me, caring for me, teaching me, and most important, loving me. you have done so many things  that touch me deeply, and I hope this letter will give you a glimpse into the boundless ocean that is my love for you.

LAST for Mr. LJ

It's been almost four months since the day, Mr. LJ and I broke up. There's a realization that keeps on bugging me. I almost understand why he leaves me. Sometimes I'm making my own reason just to help myself, he didn't tell me the real reason anyway.

SO here's the reasons I've made why he decided to leave me;
1. I am becoming too hard to please
2. I am demanding so much of his time
3. Maybe he felt trapped and pressured.

Or 4. Maybe he thinks--We have our whole lives before us. we shouldn't be tied down to one person. we should be out there having fun!
because my first impression to him was, happy-go-lucky guy, all he want is to have fun.

while making this blog, I am suddenly exhausted, and I know what I have to do; accept that it's over and start getting over him. I don't need his excuses, either, or even his explanations. because sometimes, people just stop wanting to be with you. Plain and simple. It happens. and it's always best to just leave it at that. it's always best to just let it all go.

When Mr. LJ and I were starting to get to know each other, he played the worst mind games with me. He was an expert at dishing enough affection for me to think that he loved me, but never enough for me to be sure.
Mr. LJ and I may have been perfect for each other. But that was way back then-- the circumstances have changed. At this moment, we are no longer perfect for each other.

Things rarely happen exactly when you expect them to. like moving on, and letting go.
I know I am on my way to a place where he can no longer hurt me, a place where I will be strong and smart enough not just to stand up for myself, but to stand by myself as well.
I know I will forgive him--and myself--someday.

Because every other person in the world goes through this. PAIN, after all, is a universal emotion. but it's what you choose to do with it, and the person you choose to become after the heartbreak, that defines you and decides whether or not you'll be fine.
And I may not have a wide array of positive character traits going for me, but I want to be the kind of person who chooses to look on the bright side and chooses to make things right. There are books to read, songs to listen to, places to see, lessons to learn, stories to write, people to meet. I have my family and friends, and they will help me get through this.

*this is my last blog about Mr. LJ*

What really matters..

I am eighteen years young. I have completed fourteen years of school. I am only eighteen years young and yet I have seen and experienced so much. So much, that it makes my future seem boring.


I have broken hearts. I have lied, cheated and stolen. I have skipped church. I have made people cry. I have made mistakes. I have had my heart broken. I have witnessed close friends come out. I have had fights with my best friend for pretty reason. I have had panic attacks and social anxiety and been the victim of mild depression. I have used the words "I hate you" too many times. I have witnessed the good and bad in just eighteen years. I regret countless things I have said and done.

But this is not what matters...

what matters is the good. what matters are times I have listened, the times I have offered a shoulder to a sobbing friend. what matters is the difference I made in someone's life. whether helping with homework, sharing a smile, or calling just to say hello. what matters is the hard work I do and the recognition I receive.
what matters are the memories I have made, the laughs I have shared, and the bonds I have kept.
what matters is the exemplary mature woman I become by learning from my mistakes when I was still an ignorant , little girl in the past sixteen years of my life. All the matters are the good.

Unfamiliar

I think my mom and I have absolutely nothing in common. people always say that becoming like your parents is inevitable. we are total opposites. and for the past few years most conversations have ended with me screaming and then locking myself in my room. because I think she doesn't understand me at all.
As I get older, I have thought a lot about my relationship with my mother. It's strange- she's the person whose face I saw first when I was born, someone I have lived with my whole life. You would think I would know her better than anyone, but I started to realize that I don't know her at all. Of course, I know her as my mom but I don't know her as a person. I probably know my friends better than I know my own mother.
This realization has given me a heavy, indescribable sadness. I feel like I should know her better and I want to but how?