Manual

When I was born, I was presented with a single, glossy piece of paper. It told me my name and gender. At the bottom, it warned, “Please do not lose this! These things will define you!”
And surely they would.
I did not know why I should memorize these facts but I did: there wasn’t much to remember.


The day I went to preschool, ten more glossy pages were added. It was more complicated than I thought. I learned that I should not wear blue, green or black—these were boy colors. My favorite color had to be a girl color and should probably be pink for good. I was again reminded not to lose the papers.


If I thought I knew anything in preschool, it was nothing compared to what I learned  in elementary school. Here, twenty five pages were handed to me. There were heaps of rules to explain what type of friends I should have, the stores where I must shop, and the activities I must pursue.


High school was the largest stack yet. Its was sixty five pages filled with complex formulas for popularity, discussing weight, and a stringent dress code. Again, I followed the rules.

By the beginning of college, I had an even 100  pages. Theses conventions were set in stone, but the comfort may cherished manual had always given me was detriorating. Now I was supposed to live by these rules. I was supposed to value them, but I found they were making me miserable.


The one last sheet of paper came to me. It arrived as not the others had and was not glossy or white. This paper was bent on the edges, and the text was little smudged.
“Why do you care about these rules? Life gave you no manual. Don’t you know your own handwritting?”
I look at the paper and compared it to the rest.

My manual was self-imposed.
It was not a rapid or easy change to accept that the petty things I valued as a child could be altered. I chucked the manual and started over, feeling as if new lung had opened within my chest. It would be hard to create myself without rules, but if I could create new rules, I could also break them. The possibilities for the future are endless if you keep from limiting yourself.